Link: X Ambassadors- Unsteady
I first heard this song before I had an official diagnosis of depression and anxiety. I loved it immediately and played it for my husband, mom, dad, and basically anyone that wanted me to play a song for them via the internets. (yes, i said internets plural)
I really liked the song for multiple reasons, the sound, the lead vocalist, the style of the song, but mostly the message. This song conveys my feelings on a regular basis, "Hold on to me, 'cause I'm a little unsteady." Struggling with a mental illness is not only hard on me, it's hard on my loved ones. Knowing that fact makes it even harder for me to deal with my bad days because I see how it affects my patient husband and I watch him take care of me despite my bad mood and I don't feel like I deserve the love and help.
It might be easy to understand why I feel unsteady when someone is looking in from the outside but for me, as I'm experiencing the pain and fear, I have a hard time understanding it. Why am I so fragile? Why is it so hard to handle situations by myself? I used to be able to handle them just fine. Now, many days I feel lonely and sad even when I have a whole army of a family behind me. Cheering me on and having my back, they don't ask questions and don't judge the weakness I see in myself so painfully clearly.
So yes, I'm unsteady. Yes, I have days that I cry at the slightest sad thought. I don't think that its far from the truth to say that everyone has experienced days like that to a degree. Since God knew that we would have hardships like this, He gave us countless advocates. Our Savior being our greatest advocate has felt the fear, loneliness, and sadness I feel on those days and He overcame them. And despite him being the Son of God, perfect in every way, He even had an angel comfort Him in His hour of need. (Luke 22:39-45) If Christ, the Son of God, King of Kings, received help and strength from an outside source, it would be quite self-absorbed to think that I don't need help in my time of need.
I know God knows my struggles and sees my weakness and loves me still. I don't always remember that when I'm in my bad days but as I type this up, I can recognize that love. I can even see His hand in my trials.
